


Differences

by MsDizzyDahlia



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Morality | Patton Sanders, Dukeceit is kind of implied at one point, Gen, Genderfluid Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, High School, Mild Intrusive Thoughts, Nonbinary Deceit | Janus Sanders, Nothing too bad honestly, Virgil is mentioned like twice - Freeform, but it's very brief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:28:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27271930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDizzyDahlia/pseuds/MsDizzyDahlia
Summary: Remus slammed the door behind him, desperate to get out of the hall and running to the other side of the empty classroom. He sunk down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs, letting out a sob. He was so… so stupid. He should have known. Really, he shouldn’t have even auditioned. It had been a bad idea. Especially since he knew that Roman would be auditioning too. He should have known he wouldn’t stand a chance against the golden boy.“Hey, are you okay?”
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Differences

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Mild intrusive thoughts, nothing that bad

Remus slammed the door behind him, desperate to get out of the hall and running to the other side of the empty classroom. He sunk down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs, letting out a sob. He was so… so  _ stupid.  _ He should have known. Really, he shouldn’t have even auditioned. It had been a bad idea. Especially since he knew that  _ Roman  _ would be auditioning too. He should have known he wouldn’t stand a chance against the golden boy.

Part of him hated his brother, for being everything that Remus could never be. Charming, smart, attractive, and  _ normal _ . It wasn’t fair, why was Roman so perfect, why did he get all the good attributes, while Remus got stuck with the leftovers? Everything his parents didn’t want in a child?

But deep down, he couldn’t be mad at Roman. Remus knew it was unfair to his brother, who was quite possibly the only one in the entire world who loved him for him. The only one who encouraged him to pursue his dreams, when even his own parents were shutting him down. Everyone else tolerated him at best, as long as he stayed quiet and never said a word. After all, they would never know just how messed up he was if he never talked to them.

The rejection hurt. The students in charge of the auditions didn’t even give him a second glance. They told him flat out that it wouldn’t work, that he was too abrasive, too loud, too  _ much _ . They told him that they needed someone  _ normal _ to play the character he was auditioning for. He had seen the anger on Roman’s face as he fled the auditorium. He knew that even now, Roman was probably looking for him, running through the halls and calling his name, trying to see if he was okay. He knew Roman probably wouldn’t accept any role in the play he was given unless Remus was in the play as well.

But these kind gestures didn’t do a thing to ease the pain of knowing that those kids were right. He wasn’t normal, he would never be normal, and he was the stupid one for thinking that he could even pretend to be normal. 

He sat in the back of the classroom, rocking back and forth and humming softly to himself, trying to keep the nasty thoughts at bay. They were the reason no one liked him, after all, he could at the very least try to stop thinking them (not that it ever worked). He focused instead on the hot tears running down his face, the way his nose was clogging up with snot, the way he could hear a couple of the few remaining kids walking through the halls, calm and completely unaware of the useless and utterly broken kid hiding from their view.

It wasn’t fair, that no one liked him even though he couldn’t even control the thoughts! He couldn’t stop himself from thinking them entirely, no matter what he tried, and he had never been the best at keeping his mouth shut. And it wasn’t fair to Roman either, because he was holding himself back so that he wouldn’t leave Remus behind in the dust.

Remus buried his head in his arms and let the tears fall, wondering if it was possible to choke to death on saliva and mucus. He wondered, if he did find some way to kill himself here, how long would it take for anyone to notice? How long would his body stay untouched before it was finally found by some poor soul? How would everyone react to a suicide being committed in their school? Would they even care? Maybe his body would be donated to science by his parents, and then it would be taken apart piece by piece, until there was nothing left. If he was being honest, his parents wouldn’t even bother to have a proper funeral.

These thoughts ran through his head and he tried desperately to get them to stop. No, that was stupid, Roman would care. Roman would be upset if he disappeared. Roman… Roman would… he couldn’t even finish the thought before his self doubt started to creep in. Maybe Roman  _ wouldn’t _ care. Maybe Roman would  _ celebrate _ , finally being rid of that blood-sucking parasite that was his twin brother. After all, if Remus was gone, that would mean no more lewd jokes or odd behavior that would embarrass him. He’d no longer be able to tarnish Roman’s reputation, and there would be no more obstacles holding him back from achieving his full potential. Maybe he only pretended to care about Remus. Maybe he would  _ laugh _ when Remus died. Maybe he would-

“Hey, are you okay?” Remus nearly jumped straight out of her skin as a voice echoed through the room he had previously thought was empty. He looked up and saw a boy with bouncy brown curls and blue eyes staring down at him. He was adorable, with freckles scattered across his face and soft and childish edges. He was wearing a blue shirt polo and a creamy yellow suspenders skirt with bows on the top of the suspenders. Remus was pretty sure he was in one of his classes, maybe English? He didn’t know, he didn’t really pay attention to his classmates.

“Wh...what?” Remus responded dumbly. What kind of answer was that? He knew what the boy had asked, why would he ask for clarification he didn’t need? He was just so taken off guard by the question, it hadn’t fully registered in his brain.

“Are you okay?” The boy repeated, smoothly sliding his backpack off of his shoulders and onto the floor before plopping himself down in front of Remus. “I came here because I left my gym clothes here on accident, but then I heard you crying. What happened?”

“It’s… it’s nothing.” Remus said, averting his eyes and hoping the boy would go away. He wasn’t in the mood to be mocked for his feelings. “It’s stupid.”

“Well if it’s made you this upset then it’s certainly not nothing!” The boy exclaimed. “And I don’t think it’s very stupid either. No feelings are stupid feelings, after all.” He smiled gently. “Do you want to talk about it?” Remus almost told him no. He had never really… talked about this kind of stuff whenever it happened, not even with Roman. He wasn’t exactly prone to emotional vulnerability. But… He was so lonely, and didn’t Roman always say that talking about it would help?

So he relented, nodding and launching into his story. He told the boy everything, starting from the day auditions were announced, all the way up to the present. He told him how he had been told by other students that he’d never be picked, and how determined he had been to prove them wrong. He talked about how hard he had worked, even when his own parents were telling him that he wouldn’t make it. He talked about how confident he had felt, sure that he would succeed. Only to have his hopes crushed, because no one in their right minds would want to work with him.

Throughout the story, the boy grew more and more horrified. At several points, he looked like he himself was on the verge of tears. At the end of it, the look on his face was one of intense sadness, so extreme it had Remus stumbling over the last of his words. Why did he look so sad? It wasn’t like these things had happened to  _ him. _

“That’s… that’s  _ horrible. _ ” The boy said, his voice and expression aghast. “I- I can’t believe they would actually say those things to you! What kind of people are so insecure about themselves that they pick on someone who is already struggling with something to make themselves feel better?”

Remus was caught off guard by the level of raw intensity and emotion in his voice. The sadness, the sympathy, and the anger. He wasn’t exactly sure why it was all there, though. I mean, yeah, picking on other people was not cool in most cases, but he  _ deserved _ it didn’t he? He was weird, he said and did things that made people uncomfortable, he was bad at reading emotions. He was everything a person shouldn’t be.

He told the boy as such, but the boy simply shook his head. “It doesn’t sound like any of that is really your fault, though. You aren’t getting the help and support you need. My dad’s a psychologist, he knows a lot about this stuff. And even if it were your fault, it’s still no reason to bully someone. It’s never okay to make someone else feel those things, no matter what the situation may be.”

“But… I’m… I’m not like everyone else. I’m different.”

“Who says that’s a bad thing? There are so many cases throughout history that being different is good! Some of the greatest heroes and historical figures started out by being ‘different.’ And besides, everyone is different from everyone else in some ways. Like me, I’m asexual. Not a lot of people really understand it, but that doesn’t make it bad, it’s just something unique about me.” He smiled brightly.

If Remus was being honest, he didn’t totally believe what the boy was saying. The concept of being unique, and that not being a bad thing, was foreign to him. But… his words really stuck out to Remus a lot. It made Remus feel… safe. Comforted. Whole in a way he had never felt before.

“Pat, what’s taking so long, Virgil’s waiting in the car-” Another person’s head popped into the room, and froze when they saw the two of them talking. Remus looked them up and down and… oh wow, they were cute. Their hair reached down past their shoulders, the same light brown as the boy’s (Pat’s?), and their eyes were mismatched, one was the same blue as Pat’s, and the other was brown. A darkened patch of skin covered half of their face. Some kind of birthmark?

“Oh! Jan! Sorry, I was comforting… uh…” He turned his head to Remus. “I just realized that I never asked for your name. How rude of me!” He giggled a bit.

“Oh, it’s um… it’s Remus.” 

Pat smiled brightly. “Ooh, cool! Well, I’m Patton. This is my sibling, Janus!” Patton gestured to Janus, who nodded.

“I use they/them pronouns.” They said, their voice smooth and silky. They turned back to Pat. “As much as I hate to have to break this up, we really should be going. Virgil will get impatient if we don’t get back to her soon and you and I both know she isn’t above driving off without us.”

“Oh, right…” Patton turned back to Remus. “I’m really sorry Remus, I have to go now. But maybe we can meet up for lunch? My siblings and I sit at a table all the way on the left, by the windows.”

Remus hesitated. No one had ever asked him to sit with them at lunch. He… maybe he should give it a try. “Uh… sure.” Patton smiled brightly, and hopped up to his feet, slipping his backpack on over his shoulder. He half-walked, half-skipped back towards the door to the classroom where Janus was waiting. With one final wave over his shoulder, the two of them left Remus alone, wondering if he had just made a friend.

Remus took a deep breath. He did feel lighter than he had when Patton had first come in. Maybe… maybe talking about it did help. He stood up, dusted himself off, and exited the classroom, smiling a bit to himself.

“Remus!” He heard a familiar voice cry. He turned to see Roman running down the hallway towards him at top speed. Remus watched as his brother skidded to a stop in front of him, panting. “I… I was so worried about you!” He said, huffing as he tried to catch his breath. “I couldn’t find you anywhere! Are you alright?”

Remus always said the same thing whenever Roman asked him that question. Each time, it was the same answer, though perhaps worded a bit differently. Today may be the first time he could ever say it truthfully, though.

“Yeah, Ro.” He said, his smile brightening. “I’m good.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what compelled me to write this. Literally, I just imagined one of those scenarios where a character approaches another character and goes "Are you okay?" after something bad happens, and decided to write it with a (platonic) pairing that doesn't come up much.
> 
> Patton and Remus have the potential for a good friendship, I feel like. Remus has all these emotions that need to be worked out and once Patton gets passed his initial wariness, he might be good for Remus, and would be able to help him work through them together.


End file.
